Dec 31, 2006
They changed this blogger thingie so i'm trying it out. Can't tell any difference so far.
I added a profile picture. See that? I'm 50 in that picture. Shut up, i know, half a century, blahblahblah...
oh, and by the way...
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
I have a couple of resolutions.
One is to work more with computer art, at least to the extent i'm able what with alternating it with weird back exercises. Mousing seems to aggravate this "permanent" tendonitis, so using a pen/pad will be very welcomed.
I shall create. (be very afraid...)
The other one has to do with fitness.
I hear 50 is supposed to be the new 25 or something. What with the trend in older women/younger men (i read stats saying that a third of women age 40-60 who are romantically involved are involved with men 10 years or more younger than they are) one can assume that some guys besides Norm MacDonald see something of value in us "barren old monkeys". (I loved Norm MacDonald, why did they keep cancelling him?) The only difference between us and Playboy bunnies is that they have silicone boobies and tighter skin, while we have that sought-after "knowing" thing about us, and Mrs. Robinson-strength libidos..... oh... and "character lines", don't forget those (until the "pennies for botox" jar is filled).
So back to fitness...
I switched gyms, to a newer, fancier, cleaner one that's actually cheaper. Good for me!
I'm gonna try and get stronger to hold all the joints together, firm up the ol' caboose (watch out, Jennifer Lopez, when i shake THIS booty!)
and see if i can build up a little bit of chest muscle to keep the headlights pointing forward.
(thought about silicone, too much risk there)
And of course, cardio. And weight-bearing exercise for the bones and to scare off osteoporosis. So i can get off this carcinogenic estrogen i've been taking. Yuk.
And last but not least, meet some new people. Some of those are pretty cool.
Dec 18, 2006
Happy Birthday to me.
So this is fifty....
old, maybe.. but...
"old surfers never die.. they just get board.."
"old hippies never die.. they just flashback.."
"old surfers never die.. they just move on to warmer waters.."
"old hippies never die.. they just go to pot.."
"old surfers never die.. they just ride older boards.."
"old hippies never die.. they just smell that way.."
Nov 29, 2006
Nov 21, 2006
Used to play with these and eat them, yet never became a real smoker...
Lots of kids play with lightsabers too, yet never use real ones...
Nov 18, 2006
Nov 7, 2006
Nov 6, 2006
The above-mentioned people will benefit greatly from being able to watch from home.
It could be more exciting than watching Desperate Housewives, Survivor or even The Osbornes. It might rank right up there with the shopping channels, who knows - grandma might not buy so many fake-diamond rings, lamps and gravy boats any more!
To say that "people are apathetic" because they don't come to the meetings is just plain FALSE.
(in my opinion, of course)
Nov 5, 2006
Not a whole lot to say right now...
Here is a picture of my hair right after i got it cut.
It's kind of wild-and-free on its own, so i don't bother much with it. Some days i don't even comb it. What a rebel.
I could hide stuff in it. Or put glasses on the back of my head and pretend to be Cousin It. It's good to take a picture right after a haircut so next time you can show them what you want. Unless you hate it, then say it's what you don't want. Say that the last person who cut your hair was just trying to steal it to make a voodoo doll of you, and then start twitching and saying "ouch!".
Oct 31, 2006
Oct 27, 2006
Also, I don't like movies where someone is chained up around their wrist or their ankle, and the bad guy gives them something sharp and leaves them alone. It makes me think about what I would do if a bad person chained me up around the ankle or wrist and gave me a sharp object and left me alone. ... I don't like to think about that.
Movies that I do like are scary but there is no blood. Just ghosts and maybe a witch or skeleton.
Psychological thrillers are always a lot of fun. The popcorn just disappears during psychological thrillers. And then you wonder, "Hey! Who took my popcorn?!!" What a mystery...
Oct 26, 2006
Oct 25, 2006
Oct 21, 2006
Oct 18, 2006
Oct 15, 2006
Here i am standing in front of a giant candy corn. Yes it's real, not one of my usual photoshop works. There really IS giant candy corn in this small world after all. Dreams DO come true! (just noticed the banner in the upper left after i wrote this, click on the picture if you can't read it...weird huh?)
Oct 9, 2006
I'm learning (by trial and error) to use crimp beads now. I tend to smash them too hard. So i read somewhere that the way to know when you're squeezing the pliers properly is to think of shaking your grandma's hand and how hard you would squeeze. Well, my grandmas have passed on, and i don't wanna shake their hands. That's scary!
Oct 3, 2006
Oct 1, 2006
All those high-heels and pointy toes are stylish and chic, but these work for me.
Sep 28, 2006
Oh, by the way, i just found out that you can't put a cmyk picture here, it messes the colors up. Anyway, after recently obtaining a medical id bracelet i hated the way it looked on it's clunky ol' chain. So i made detachable thingies so i can wear it, plate side against inner wrist where it's rarely seen, and pretty little beady things showing from the outside. I don't have to hate it anymore!
Sep 22, 2006
I'm rather pleased with how this turned out. I'm not pleased with how it looks scanned, however, but i don't know how to photograph jewelry - it seems complicated, and i'd rather make it than photograph it anyway. The copper's shiny-and-new-looking, but i think it will look even better once it's got that look of old pennies. We all love old pennies, right? Made my first-ever wire clasp (out of necessity, can't find pre-made copper ones). The earwires are surgical steel (less allergy problems) so i made teeny weeny little copper coils to cover the front part. The dangly spiral-thingies were an afterthought, which could be easily removed (and probably will).
Sep 21, 2006
I may not be special enough to see Jesus in my coffee grounds, or the Virgin Mary on the accoustical-spray bumps on the ceiling... but i just realized something wacky and wonderful that i have achieved with age:
If i pucker up my face exactly a certain way, sort of a combination between a "worried" expression, an "angry" expression, and a "surprised" expression, the wrinkles form a
PI SYMBOL ON MY FOREHEAD!!!
Yes, it's true! Whatever could this mean?
(betcha you'll go try it in a mirror today, who knows, you might have the Star of David on yours.)
Sep 17, 2006
My family lived through the horror in March 2001 when Santana was the site of such an evil event. It changed our lives and the memories are still vivid. Neither my sons or my friend's daughter were injured physically at these tragic events. But it turns life upside-down for awhile, and in some ways changes it permanently.
Sometimes i just hate that there is such evil in the world that we live in. Why can't we all live together in peace, build one another up instead of tearing each other apart, and take the Lord's advice to "Love One Another"....
Sep 15, 2006
At my FMS support group the other day (I highly recommend attending a real-life-in-person support group to anyone with chronic pain, it's an emotional lift, you feel less alone and "different", and sharing is a good thing) a woman brought one of these interesting gadgets in and passed it around. My husband ordered me one today, i can't wait for it to arrive!! It allows you to use the least amount of exertion to effectively manipulate trigger points and painful muscle "knots" by yourself. No need for "honey, pleeeez wear out your thumbs pressing on my back while i go owwww, that hurts, don't stop!" (although that's nice, too, in an odd way)
Anyway, i'll be waiting for the big brown truck...
(like in The Music Man when the River City people get all excited about the Wells Fargo Wagon... remember that? Ron Howard was such an adorable little kid, what the heck happened?)
More fish jewelry... what can i say?
I'm working with silver plated stuff instead of the real thing (but i'll get back into that, fingers a bit too fumbly lately). Nothing fancy...just bead wrapping, connecting chains, glass beads (instead of crystals), etc. Don't want to waste my sterling silver materials, especially now that the price has gone up. Eventually i'd like to do some of the fancy wire stuff with all my super neat-o groovy pliers when i can figure out how to make the handles a bit more ergonomic. (Big word, yes, the blonde said a big word~!) And all those little divided boxes full of shiny *sparkley* beads.... glass, crystals, gemstone chips, lampworked goodies... ooooh...
Anyway, i got off track there... that happens a lot. :-)
Sep 10, 2006
Sep 8, 2006
Most of it is made from plain ol' copper wire that i stuck through the beads and bent into links and rings, except the little part of chain that goes in the back that nobody pays any attention to anyway.... The little heart thingie was just an after thought that's easily removed. And shhh, i already know the clasp isn't copper-colored, oh well...
Sep 6, 2006
Got these at a gem show. I think they look kinda cute with the heart toggle clasp i got from somebody on ebay for free when i ordered fish beads. (oh yeah, i didn't mention "fish" shaped, but yes, i love those too!)
This is really small but i have freakishly skinny wrists. It could be made larger (but then that would use more beads, wouldn't it... i'd hate having to shop for more beads.... NOT!!!!)
Sep 4, 2006
Aug 30, 2006
That was a long time ago.
We grew up together.
I have a different dog now who loves me, too.
(and doesn't have to get dressed up in doll clothes like this one did)
She listens to what i have to say even if it's dumb.
She never judges me or gets angry with me.
She wags her tail when i'm happy.
She knows who feeds her!
Aug 24, 2006
Aug 18, 2006
Aug 15, 2006
Hey! Reminds me of a famous quote:
Butt-head: "I like it when you squash a cockroach, and that white stuff comes out of them, and it looks like a Junior Mint."
Beavis: "Oh yeah, but like um, but it doesn't taste like a Junior Mint."
(I sure do miss B and B...)
In my last attempts at remaining employed i was often humiliated by discussion of my restroom habits by my superiors, being reprimanded for absences or needs for unscheduled breaks, and even being told that i "should not" be suffering that much because one of my superiors had the same condition and it didn't cause her to miss work. That was IBS. At times the pain was so severe that i passed out and was even taken to emergency.
When i also became afflicted with osteoarthritis of the spine, radiculopathy (trapped nerve) and (as i later found out) fibromyalgia, it became impossible for me to remain employed at all.
Before fibromyalgia was considered, i was told that i "should not" be feeling as much pain as i did with the degree of disc degeneration in my spine. So i was left feeling extremely odd and somewhat shamed, if i shouldn't be hurting this much then why do i ??? At times i feel as though i've been beaten all over with a mallet and stuck with kitchen knives in my neck and back. I was put through the indignity of being denied twice by Social Security for my claim of disability, being told by their staff who didn't even see me that i could sit for x amount of time, could lift x amount of pounds, etc. when i absolutely could not and was instructed by my doctor not to. After months of dealing with that, having to hire an attorney and appear at a hearing before an administrative law judge, it was found without a doubt that i could not be employed. Later when the pain spread to my knees, elbows, jaws, fingers and feet, more tests were performed to rule out rheumatoid arthitis, lupus and similar conditions. When those came back negative, fibromyalgia became more probable by exclusion. It can be merciless at jabbing it's victims just about anywhere.
As with osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia symptoms vary from day to day and from person to person. Often both occur together, which is interesting. Although osteoarthritis shows up on MRI's and/or x-rays, with fibromyalgia the diagnosis is a process of exclusion of other conditions. Over the last decade i've had various physical and emotional symptoms that went "unexplained" by my medical care providers. These were often dismissed as "stress" and "depression" and "menopause" and i was given various prescriptions that didn't help and had intolerable side-effects, and told to meditate. As nice as meditation can be, it didn't cure the symptoms.
Today, i see all of the seemingly-unrelated symptoms i've had over the years as pieces of a puzzle that finally fits together and spells Fibromyalgia. I want to remove the cloak of shame that i have felt for some time now. I did not ask for this nor did i make it happen. But i want to find something positive in it, and use that to reach out and help someone else.
Please google "fibromyalgia" and learn more about this disease.
Here is a letter that i found on a site which gave permission to use it elsewhere.
I found it very touching.
A HUSBAND'S LETTER
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing this morning out of great concern about the condition of P----.
She has been my loving companion for five years. During this time I have
witnessed the changes in her life, due to her suffering from Fibromyalgia
and Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome. This devastating disease has
robbed P--- of her vitality and energy, as well as her enthusiasm for life.
As the pain increased, the quality of her life decreased. Constant suffering
from pain is a terrible burden which overshadows all other aspects of life.
The inspiration for me to write this, as I have never written about this
before, comes from an article in this morning's paper. The article is about
the latest individual, assisted in suicide, by Dr. Kevorkian. The woman
suffered from Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome and muscle pain
which was obviously Fibromyalgia. The woman's father is quoted as saying,
"My daughter had intractable and unrelenting pain. I hate losing my only
child, but there are some things in this world worse than death".
The news reports the medical community's response to the woman's condition
as "No evidence of disease" and "not a fatal disease", - typical responses
faced by the sufferers of this disease from virtually everyone they tell
about their problems. I myself was skeptical at first about a disease with
no outward signs. However, I am now convinced about the severity of this
condition and the extremely debilitating effect it has on a persons life. I
would like to implore everyone in the medical community to take a longer
look at the way they are treating this disease. The "Pain Management" method
of telling a patient to simply try to live with the pain, with little or no
assistance, combined with the philosophy that the accompanying depression is
a cause of the pain rather that a symptom is very ineffective and actually
worsens the patients condition. The more pain, the more depression. It
starts off as good days and bad days, then becomes good days and bad weeks
until the quality of life is so diminished that a solution such as Dr.
Kevorkian's seems the lesser of two evils and just an end to the pain, not
P--- is constantly forced to balance the amount of things she can do in one
day, against the amount of pain she will suffer the next two or three days.
The idea that the possibility of addiction and subsequent withdrawal from
pain medication is a greater risk than the benefit in quality of life that
the absence, or at least lessening of daily pain will bring is a fallacy.
Obviously, everyone would like a better solution or cure than daily
medications. I know that P--- would gladly trade medication for a cure, but
to expect a person to just live with ever increasing pain and depression
until a cure is found is unacceptable.
This disease doesn't physically kill you like AIDS or cancer; it just makes
you hurt so bad that you wish it would. This disease doesn't disfigure or
maim it's victims outward appearance; it just adds to the embarrassment and
emotional pain of people disbelieving that they are even ill on top of the
severe crippling pain. The stress caused by the combination of these factors
adds to the insomnia and depression and the cycle continues in a downward
spiral until, as stated before, that Dr. Kevorkians solution seems the
lessor of two evils.
I would like to conclude this letter, as I fear I am sounding redundant,
with a plea to everyone who is aquatinted with sufferers of this disease,
whether you are a family member, friend, or a physician treating them: treat
them with kindness, compassion, and understanding. This is truly a horrible
disease and as crippling as any, so believe them and help them regain their
lives. Thank you for you time and patience in reading my rambling thoughts;
it is only because I feel so strongly about this I have trouble writing this
Thank you for Your Time,
Aug 12, 2006
Aug 11, 2006
Where else can i find antique shotglasses with monkeys and goats on them?
Or a discontinued brand pair of black and hot pink skate shoes that are brand new?
Or a genuine fake "Native-American" turtle-shell rattle?
Or a Hello Kitty-in-a-devil-suit iron-on patch? (or a Hello Kitty massager or Hello Kitty pager case for pagers that nobody uses anymore (and that i don't even own)?
Or beads that look like fish, by the dozen? We all need dozens of those...
Or a real-live dead piranha fish?
Or so many, many other wacky and wonderful treasures that can't be found anywhere else
Aug 8, 2006
For the last few days i've been kinda yukky.
Arthritis and fibromyalgia have a way of making
one's life a bit more challenging.
My latest challenge is to find a pair of "orthopedic" shoes
that look not like orthopedic shoes.
My toes are killing me!
See, having the second toe longer than the first is actually
a structural "defect" which can cause problems, including
something called "Morton's neuroma" which is an abnormal (and painful)
growth of nerve tissue in the foot usually somewhere between
the third and fourth toes. Strangely, this is not uncommon for
people with fibromyalgia.
And it makes me walk like a penguin at times.
And the pinky toes turn under and sideways, what a freak i am! :-)
Amazingly, i never wore pointed shoes or high heels, both causes of
Please, shoe manufacturers, make a pretty shoe that's flat, has a "rocker" sole
(kind of curved to "rock" while walking) and a roomy toebox!
Aug 4, 2006
Jul 27, 2006
Jul 19, 2006
When i was working i used to get compliments on my hair or figure or clothing or typing speed, and i loved it. I actually liked the occasional "rude" wolf whistle when i used to walk in the evenings.
When the kids were young and i did a lot of artwork, it felt wonderful to be able to create something that people loved. When i used to write more in newsgroups i got compliments on my writing style and that felt good too.
Way back in school i won awards for my art and creative writing, and was referred to the San Diego Symphony by my violin teacher when he released me saying i knew all that he knew. I put down the violin and never picked it up again. Why, i still don't know. Fear of success, perhaps? Or maybe fear of failure. Or hormones.
Probably in high school i could have earned a scholarship had i felt worthy of my creative talents (instead of the wrong talents on which i based my self-worth during those years).
Mrs. Bean (my fifth grade teacher) helped me find my abilities, encouraged me and helped me shine. Even though i got off track for a few years (quite a few, actually), i can still remember how special she made me feel - or actually, how special she showed me that i already was. And she wore lots of blue eyeshadow and had a beehive hairdo. She was just sooo very cool!
As for compliments, i don't think it's so much a need for validation - i already know what i'm good at and what i'm not, but more about feeling appreciated and encouraged. I think all humans are probably like that. I used to be unable to accept compliments, denying them right in the face of the person giving them. That's wrong.
The clerk at the grocery store will call people "Beautiful" or "Handsome" and it could be taken as false flattery; yet i see it as the truth from her perception. She *does* see me as beautiful, whether or not by some societal standard of beauty. She also sees the little old blue-haired lady as beautiful, and she actually *is*. The clerk is beautiful, too. Hell, we're ALL beautiful in our own way (yeah, i know that's an old hippie song).
In retrospect, i can see that art and psychology/parapsychology were my (missed) callings. Music wasn't becuz in spite of talent i had the handicap of social shyness (social phobia, social anxiety, whatever the psychiatric buzz word) and could not play in front of anyone unless i could hide behind the big bass in the orchestra so nobody could see me.
Oh well... today, maybe just by blogging and putting up my tiny contributions on my quasi-insignificant little virtual cubicle on the infinite web of wisdom of mankind throughout the ages (or "www" for short) i can touch an occasional soul and make someone's life a little more pleasant for a moment.
Jul 15, 2006
Jul 11, 2006
Hello blog people (does anybody actually read this anyway?). Today i feel yukky, with a cold. Seems to amplify my "usual" pain and the fatigue is unbelievable. Anyway, enough whining, it is what it is, so be it.
Let me tell you about some products. I like to review products. Big Fizz Diet Cola from Rite-Aid rocks!! It's better than Diet Pepsi or Diet Coke, and dirt-cheap! I'm sure it's full of lovely chemicals that hurt us, too. Oh well.
Pink Sugar, a fragrance to wear, stinks. Everybody is all "ooh, it smells like cotton candy, oh it smells like caramel and reminds me of childhood" and blahblablah. Well it reminds me of melted plastic...wait, it reminds me of childhood after all - it smells like the inside of the dolls' heads when i pulled them off to remove the eyeballs.. anyway i'm glad i only purchased a sample instead of buying a bottle of it!
OTOH, the Body Fantasies spray in Cotton Candy scent (from Walmart, i love you Walmart!) smells like yummy cotton candy. My son's girlfriend said "i smell cotton candy!" when i walked in the room.
Books, i highly recommend The Celestine Prophecy. It's fiction but has a lot of truths embedded in the story. I'm learning to apply those truths to my own life and can see that some of them are working already.
And i guess that's all for now.