Dec 10, 2007

Santa's Helper (not!)


Nov 20, 2007

Ho Ho Ho

Have yourself a Birdy little Christmas...

Nov 19, 2007

I'm impressed!

In beginning the second century of life, I've realized it's not necessary to impress anyone. It doesn't matter if i walk by and someone i don't know or hardly know goes "wow, i'm impressed..."

Think about it... The only people whose opinions of you personally matter are people you are close to like friends or family members. And you don't really have to impress them because they already know you and probably think highly of you already. If you feel that you need to impress instead of being able to relax and enjoy them, maybe it's time quit trying and move on.

Most of us want to feel good about ourselves, but nobody else can validate our goodness.
Otherwise, why would any celebrities need to engage in negative behaviors? Wouldn't the public adoration and admiration, fame and money make them perfect people with perfect lives, with no need for drugs or promiscuity or failed relationships?

A heartfelt compliment is nice - it's a lift and makes a pleasant connection between two people. Gives a person that warm and fuzzy feeling inside. I love those! And sure, it might feel right to comb hair over a bald spot or wear a padded bra or learn a skill really well and show it off a little just because.. well because you want to... but when it is a desperate need to gain approval, or when someone goes through the second half of life still concerned with doing things or being something to impress or to command attention from people whom they hardly know, or strangers or the general public, they look rather silly... almost like... like...
a politician!
"Look at me!" "Look what I can do!" "Oh, i'm so (insert appropriate word)!"(powerful, hot, good-looking, sexy, buffed, rich, talented, smart, clever, whatever)

Someone who doesn't have the need to impress anyone, now that is incredibly impressive!

Nov 5, 2007

Peruvian Lilies

My husband loves me.

gemstone earrings

Left: Carnelian with copper
Right: Labradorite with silver - i wish i could capture the colorful flash in the labradorite, it's almost like the multicolors that flash in abalone shells.

Oct 30, 2007

The Maid

headless french maid with a camera...

Oct 12, 2007

It's kinda cool know people who discuss spiritual philosophies, life, death, the state of presence, what love is and isn't, time and relativity, and transcendence beyond the thinking mind to our true life energy and being.

For years i feared that i was alone in my belief and crazy in my brief experiences of touching the channel of universal knowledge, where all time is now.

There is something beyond the words that is FELT when reading or listening to words of someone who is fully in the state of presence.

It's pretty cool, knowing our mind and thoughts are not really who we are, and being able to see beyond those, even if only momentarily. And how our ego is really kind of a weird and ultimately miserable character that doesn't have to define us if we don't let it.

It's awesome to even momentarily be able to transcend those things and experience a tiny piece of the most wonderful state that cannot be defined in words, but only experienced.

You just know when you're there!

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

My thoughts on a specific form of domestic violence.

A person doesn't have to have a black eye or broken bone to have been injured badly by a partner or other family member. Abuse can be verbal. Or it can be in the form of neglect, passive-aggression or manipulative behavior towards a spouse, partner, child or parent. The damage is often invisible, even though a spirit is being crushed and scarred.

Ignoring, shaming, name-calling, ridiculing, yelling, blaming, deliberately inducing guilt, threatening, or controlling by withholding money, necessities or affection are forms of abuse. These have nothing to do with gender, size or physical strength. Some people may not realize how damaging those things can be, while abusers may or may not even be aware of the grave nature of their actions. Afterwards, they may act as if nothing had happened at all. That can be bewildering, and the abused person may begin to question his or her own sanity for doubting this person they love and trust. Fear sets in, and then the abuser becomes angry about the fear, and a dangerous cycle continues. It may escalate to physical violence.

Everybody gets ticked off once in awhile and says something they don't really mean. If we don't, we're probably not human. Sincere apologies work wonders for those rare occasions. But when destructive patterns begin to develop, it's important to recognize them, whether in ourselves or in those around us.

Everyone needs to be aware of this insidious form of domestic violence. It's cruel and wrong to treat any human being that way. It deteriorates bonds of trust between loved-ones, and destroys families. Kids learn the life patterns they observe in their parents.

No person can actually make another person feel angry, frustrated, guilty, or sad. Another person's comment or action may trigger an emotion, but that person did not cause the abuser's destructive reaction to that emotion. Our reactions (such as anger, rage, violence, or withdrawal) are our own responsibility. That's a difficult concept to grasp. But without it, life becomes nothing but a series of reactions; nothing but emotional highs and lows, where true joy and sense of self is lost.

Although it requires introspection and practice, it's worth the effort for anyone to become a self-respecting person, capable of building loving, respectful relationships, and responsible for our own reactions to others. We all owe that to ourselves and to our spouses, children, aging parents, and anyone else with whom we share our lives.

Nobody can make another person happy. It can only be found in one's own heart, and then shared.

Oct 8, 2007


"The longing for love that is in every child is the longing to be recognized, not on the level of form, but on the level of Being."

Eckhart Tolle
A New Earth

Oct 2, 2007

With this ring...

In our recent travels I ran across a young lady in a rock shop who taught me how to make a ring from wire and a bead. My first attempt, using copper wire (which was once considered "practice wire" but is not getting more expensive) and a glass bead. Not a bad attempt for old fumble-fingers!

Sep 18, 2007

Poway's future: Where have all the flowers gone?


They paved the Tree City
And put up a parking lot
With a housing project, a boutique
And a 99-cent shop

Don’t it always seem to go
That you don't know what you’ve got
‘Til it's gone
They paved the Tree City
And put up a parking lot

They took the big trees
And threw 'em in a green waste bin
And replaced 'em with twigs
Apartments and places to shop in

Don't it always seem to go,
That you don't know what you’ve got
‘Til it’s gone
They paved the Tree City
And put up a parking lot

Hey redeveloper
Put away your blueprints please
Just fix up the blights
But LEAVE me the birds and the bees

Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you’ve got
‘Til its gone
They paved the Tree City
And put up a parking lot

Late last night
I heard a distant roar
When a big yellow bulldozer
Took out Alberto's and the tire store

Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you’ve got
‘Til it’s gone
They paved the Tree City
And put up a parking lot

They paved our Tree City
And put up a parking lot

Bye bye trees.... hello housing project!

Sep 16, 2007

Black and beads

Made this one with glass beads and black wire. This is coated copper wire and a real pain to make the loops without nicking the coating and leaving the copper showing thru. So i kept putting adhesive tape over the pliers, which helped but kept wearing through. Used some black nail polish to touch up. My nylon jaw pliers just don't do the little looping stuff. Anyway, it was fun.

Sep 5, 2007

copper stuff

Experimenting with some copper wire and chain with gemstone beads.
The first are peridot, jade and citrine chips. The second is unakite. And scary little faces.

Aug 14, 2007

Male-bashing T-shirts

It's unbelievable but true. The first set of designs are actually being sold at Walmart stores!
Advocating violence against ANYONE is wrong, and the wrong "family values" messages to give to our children. Click on the design for a closer look.

No, it's not OK for girls to bully and physically assault boys!
Shame on Walmart!

I bet Walmart would never sell the second set of designs, which I have altered to illustrate the impact of these if the genders were reversed.

Jul 18, 2007

May 28, 2007


It hurts a lot more lately for some reason. I mean the DDD/fibro pain and the anxiety accompanying it. Sometimes i feel trapped in a breaking-down body yet my mind/soul/whatever is still a baby that's growing. The pains get bad and the meds don't work as well anymore. I feel a sense of urgency that i need to get "ready" for something although i don't really understand what it is. There's something i need to get in touch with and learn to use. Maybe once i get that figured out, i will find out what it is i need to do and find not just escape but true relief. Maybe it's in this life, or maybe this life is just a step in the learning process. In any event, i have so much to say and don't know how to say it. Please hear me.

There is so much to learn, so much to see, and so much loving to do.

May 22, 2007

Some good stuff! has some kind of neat jewelry, mostly sterling silver, that you only pay $5.99 for. They say it's "free" and the shipping is $5.99 but whatever. So far everything i've gotten was nice quality and looked like the picture.

Generic cereal that comes in big bags instead of boxes - good value and tastes good to me!

Sally Hansen Maximum Growth mascara. Doesn't make clumps as much as other cheap brands i've tried.

I guess that's all i have to say today.

May 21, 2007

Dog Meat

"A dog seized some meat from the butcher shop and ran away with it until he came to a river. When the dog was crossing the river, he saw the reflection of the meat in the water, and it seemed much larger than the meat he was carrying. He dropped his own piece of meat in order to try to snatch at the reflection. When the reflection disappeared, the dog went to grab the meat he had dropped but he was not able to find it anywhere, since a passing raven had immediately snatched the meat and gobbled it up. The dog lamented his sorry condition and said, 'Woe is me! I foolishly abandoned what I had in order to grab at a phantom, and thus I ended up losing both that phantom and what I had to begin with.' "

Think about that.

May 17, 2007

Red Paint

Interesting comparison...

May 16, 2007

Everybody's kids matter!

Missing children information is provided via RSS feed, free of charge by NCMEC

Mapping provided free of charge by Yahoo! Maps

May 12, 2007

What i've learned...

After 50 years, I had a realization.
(just some thoughts and ramblings, not necessarily advice or experiences)

If you ditch your expectations, you'll have none that are unmet.
Lose your faith, and you won't be failed.
Lower your standards, and everything and everyone measures up.
Strive for mediocre, and you'll likely achieve it.
Count on no one, and you'll never be let down.
Believe no one, and you'll never be betrayed.
Have no goals, and you'll never fall short.
Forget about hope, just accept.
Believe nothing, and you're immune to lies.
Don't try to win, and you'll never lose - don't even enter the race.
You'll never miss a beat if you don't sing at all.
Don't try, and you can't fail.
Lie on the ground instead of reaching for the stars, and you can't fall down.
Sometimes you just have to stop trying and simply "be".
The world will still go on,
and the sun will still rise tomorrow.

Mar 8, 2007

Haven't posted lately...

I've been hanging out at myspace, trying to find out how to make it all pretty eventually.
Here's where it is:

Come to think of it, i haven't said much there, either. And the blog there directs you back here..

Feb 23, 2007


I have a thumbs-up for a false-eyelash site!

The selection is wonderful (i can't find brown ones very often in stores, just black)
and the info on the site is very helpful.
Best of all, the price is reasonable and my package arrived magically the very next day after i ordered, even with the normal shipping price (which was only $3).
And they included a free pair of lashes!

(now i have to practice and learn how to use these things right!)

Feb 16, 2007

Da Plane! Da Plane!

This was a fun photoshop challenge.
I was given the plane picture with two other pilots in it, and then two b&w photos from which i cropped, resized (and colorized) the NEW pilots. Making her hair blow in the wind was my finishing touch. (these are my mom and dad a few billion years ago!)

Feb 10, 2007

Is it just me or.. the world crazy?
Why are people so fascinated and intrigued by the lives of celebrities??
Shame Anna Nicole Smith died. She was beautiful, vivacious and made a lot of people happy. Unfortunately, it seems people like that often neglect making themselves happy.
With such a poor self-image, she took it to the extreme one way (fakeness and silicone) whereas Karen Carpenter took it to a different extreme (anorexia). But both are dead. And so is Marilyn. Why wasn't Marilyn happy? She had everything.

But ahhh, we love those celebrities and their problems... remember OJ's trial?
Brad and Jennifer and Angelina... Tom and Nicole... marriages, divorces, who has implants and who is cheating on whom with whom... and how about Mel Gibson, what's up with that?

And then there are those "candid" photos of celebrities... a nipple slip here, an upskirt there, a bikini shot in a private yard, caught without makeup, caught in the nude, blahblablahh..
OMG, these people are STARS, their sh*t must not stink, their butts are different-looking than ours, their boobs must have different kind of nipples than regular people's, their penises might be made of solid gold or something... geez! Sometimes i can't believe the hangups that so many people have in regard to nudity. Everyone should go to a nude beach, be nude and see all the people nude, and eventually it's just a natural, comfortable thing.

We abuse ourselves in the quest for a perfect body. Plastic surgery, dangerous dieting, steroids, etc.

Ladies, be healthy and let that be your beauty. You can never achieve the look of Playboy centerfolds because they are just photos that are enhanced beyond reality in order to fulfill fantasies. Anybody can be enhanced artificially and made to look like a goddess by plastic surgery and photoshopping!

Gentlemen, like the ladies, don't abuse your body in order to achieve unnaturally "perfect" results. You don't have to compare to and strive to look like those superheroes or world champion bodybuilders. You don't need to enlarge your penis or grow more hair. We love you the way you are.

Well that's enough to say for now.
I just ordered false eyelashes on ebay. My fake boobs ought to be arriving any day now in the mail. I'm researching plastic surgeons now, for a solution to my wrinkles, smile lines and crow's feet. I couldn't *possibly* be loveable unless i'm beautiful. Damn...

Feb 7, 2007

Jan 25, 2007

Goodbye, Norbert...

We will miss you, our "little baby chicken"...

Jan 22, 2007

Still working out

Still working out at the gym. I find i'm in no more (or less) pain than before, so that's good. I'd rather be a hardbody than flabby. I'll have to post a picture when i get all buffed out, haha!

Nothing else much going on that's new or exciting. But that's fine. Better than having bad stuff going on.

Jan 14, 2007

Church, general whining, and other stuff...

We keep intending to start going to church, but i keep having bad mornings and can't get going becuz of morning stiffness and pain. I rarely leave the house before noon, giving the painkiller time to kick in and also a warm soak in the bathtub. I hope God still loves me. Why do the services have to be in the morning, anyway?

That personal training session gave me some weird after-effects. My hands swelled up at the thumb joints and hurt really bad, along with extra spasms in my back. I'll take it easier but continue trying.

Product raves: I bought some hair conditioner that's just awesome! It's for horses and humans, and made by Rio Vista. There's no scent, which is fine--Just soft, shiny hair.
Also, i started using an expensive shampoo, Biolage by Matrix Super-hydrating. Doesn't lather up as readily as i like, but it really does clean and leave the hair smooth. Better than the cheap Suave or VO5 i was using before.

Jan 11, 2007


Today i took advantage of my free hour of personal training at the gym. Of course they try to get you to sign up for it regularly and it's very expensive, and i won't.....but at least i got some stuff to alternate with water workouts and get some "weight bearing" exercise that we old women need for our bones. And hopefully build up some chest muscles so i can't see ribs where there's supposed to be cleavage.

Oh yeah, and eat more protein... Watch out Arnold, i'll be buff too one day!
And darn that Arnold, he's disappointed me. He was such a hero and now with some of the stuff he's doing, he's just another girly-man in my book... I hate when heros do that.

My fitness goal is to be a fly girl. Not only did they wear cool outfits and dance like crazy, they were fit and strong, and weren't skinny sticks with silicone bags hanging from them like we seem to see everywhere now. Those fly girls were hot!

Well, it's good to have some sort of goal, anyway.

Jan 8, 2007

Nothing in particular

Nothing new to post but here goes.
I've been going to the new gym (i switched from the old one).
4 times last week, not bad. I hope to keep it up permanently.
So far, i've just been doing the pool workout and pushing myself a
bit harder than i used to. I want to get all toned up, and need to gain
a couple pounds. They need to be muscle pounds though, not fat - unless
it's on my face or chest!

Still fighting a bout of appearance-anxiety that started 4 weeks ago today.
It goes away for awhile then it hits suddenly with some thoughts
of bad things. Heard back from my inquiry with a cosmetic surgeon,
he said from the photos it looks like i'm a candidate for "fillers" but
not a facelift at this time. He suggests the non-permanent ones first
to see if the results are good, then the next time consider something
longer-lasting. Sounds good to me. But i'll shop around for awhile
before jumping in.

Oh yeah, i want to give a "thumbs up" to Zenni Optical where i get
inexpensive prescription eyeglasses online. I've been very happy with
their service, quality and price. The latest pair is rimless with a clear
plastic "frame" (the part on the nose and on the sides only) and with a
non-glare coating is somewhat "invisible" for when i don't feel like wearing
my black nerd glasses. The prescription on one side is much stronger than
the other so it looks like one eyeball is a little bigger but that's ok.
Anyway, i'd highly recommend Zenni Optical to anyone seeking a "spare" pair
of glasses or to just have fun with some of the colors and frames they offer.
If ya gotta wear glasses, make them a fashion accessory!

Jan 3, 2007

Some new old stuff..

I guess last year wasn't too bad, for the most part.

Up until December i was starting to feel pretty comfortable being me, at least most of the time. I was looking forward to turning 50, accepting my physical changes and feeling pretty secure in my self and family, and looking forward to the holidays. I spent months making little beaded hooks for the tree and thinking about all the goodies i would bake.

Then something happened (that i don't want to share) and suddenly my self-esteem plummeted and the anorexia relapsed -- lost about 10 pounds in 2 weeks and felt terribly insecure about my appearance.

A bit better now, but things aren't back to what they were even less than a month ago.

I'll be going back to church this year.
And i want plastic surgery.